Communication in Courtship: What you Should Talk about during Courtship?
Effective communication and studying your partner is the key you must have for you to know his/her love language. I’ll always be grateful for the life of Late Pst Bimbo Odukoya, her messages on courtship and marriage are still relevant and very much effective even till now. Youths need to get that message on things to talk about before getting married, I believe we’ll learn something from this.
Have you talked about:
- Do’s and dont’s
- Weaknesses: e.g. snoring, eating habit e.t.c
- Formal education: to what level?
- Verbal skills: how does he/she talks
- Expected roles of both individuals in the marriage: His roles as husband and father and her roles as wife mother of your children
- Love and respect: to what extent does she respect or submit to you as her husband, and to what extent does he loves you as his wife.
- Number of children/Gap between children/Child rearing view
- Type of family planning
- Mental, social, psychological, spiritual, philosophy of life.
- Ways of dealing with issues
- Talk about smoking, drinking, alcohol and coming home late/Night journey
- Involvement of in-laws and parental influence
- Sense of humour: are you a person that doesn’t laugh or joke, just study and pray every minute? talk about it now
- Dependability: to what extent can you depend on him/her? some men will say,” she depends on me for everything, she doesn’t have goals or visions” talk about it now.
- Verbal intimacy: freedom of expressing feelings
- Home conflict and management
- Anger management: some spouse will say” whenever I’m in rage or angry, the only person that can calm me down is my mother or someone else” some will say ” leave me for some time and I will get over it” Talk about it.
- Fear and anxiety
- Friendship with the opposite sex: don’t handshake or hug any other man when I’m around etc talk about now
- Family friends: who and who do you want as family friends? what calibre of people?
- Personal friends
- Level of ambition
- personal goals and achievements
- corporate life goals and achievements
- Attitude towards weight: many ladies are slim before marriage but fat after marriage. if you are a type that likes a slim lady, look at her mother if she has, because, she’s likely to look like her mother later in life. For men, spot belly etc. Talk about it now.
- Religion belief and spiritual preference
- Church denomination: is it her church you will be attending after the wedding or his?
- church involvement
- hobbies and interests
- songs and music
- Values and goals
- Self-control: does he have a problem with women?
- Past life
- Amount of income to spend and save
- Housewife or career woman
- Type of account to run.
- What percentage should be allocated to cloths, vacations, given away and to whom?
- Means and risk of investment
- Attitude about cleanliness
- Location: where to settle, geographical, commercial, spiritual, and social area to live
- Order of priority: house before car or vice- versa
- Size and style of house: bungalow, upstairs, flat, duplex, fenced or open house. Talk about it now!
- Ways of handling sickness: are you the type that if somebody vomits around you or see blood, you will run away
- Means of getting treatment: is it a private hospital, or teaching hospital, or tradomedical centre?
- Payment of school fees
- Children’s schooling: private and public
- Health standard: are you the type that uses the drug or faith? Talk about it
- Interpersonal and social skills: does your spouse have caucus, calibre, or levels? Does he/she have pride or look down on people?
- House helpers: maid, Gardner, gateman, driver, dry cleaner, house cleaner etc
- Nature of food: only African food or continental or mixed
- Mode of sleeping: together or separately
- Mattress: water bed, mat, etc
- Sexual intimacy
- sexual intercourse during pregnancy
- types of furniture and interior decorations
- Pieces of jewelry
- types of cloth to be wearing
- Day or days of fasting in a week
- Amount and type of travel prefer: is it every vacation or yuletide period? is it by flight, land etc
- Time to be spent together: some couples live away from each other throughout their lives, as a result of job etc
- When to go to bed and when to wake up
- Time for family altar
- Test on genotype, HIV/AIDS, blood group etc
- Intelligent decision
- Nature of hairdo: plaiting, weaving, curling, wig etc
- Make-up: use of earring, lipstick, cosmetics pedicure etc
So many young people are making excuses for their shortcomings in courtship, that, they don’t know what to talk about. And, as a result of that, the only thing that is available to do is sex, which can also damage their marital pursuit.
All mentioned above are not a day talk; neither a month nor a year talk. They are something you can talk and talk until your mind is clear.
So many marriages are having problems today because they fail to talk the right thing while in courtship. They substitute their talking period for sex and other related acts.
FEWER PROBLEMS YOU WILL HAVE IN MARRIAGE IF YOU HAVE QUALITY TALKING IN COURTSHIP. IT IS NOT TIME FOR MARRIAGE, It is not the time for marriage until you are satisfied with every talk. Until your eyes can see clearly the bottom of the water. Also, until you have guarantee of your second life ( marriage).
Finally, you can save yourself from a fruitless race in marriage now that you are not bonded with marital vows. You don’t have to join the queue of failing marriages. Marriage is sweet and marriage is bitter base on your own experience and content of your discussion while in courtship.
Talk about it now!
Have a great day ahead.