Love & Relationships

Communication in Courtship: 70 Things You Must Know About Your Partner

Communication in Courtship: What you Should Talk about during Courtship?

Effective communication and studying your partner is the key you must have for you to know his/her love language. I’ll always be grateful for the life of Late Pst Bimbo Odukoya, her messages on courtship and marriage are still relevant and very much effective even till now. Youths need to get that message on things to talk about before getting married, I believe we’ll learn something from this.

Have you talked about:

  1. Background
  2. Do’s and dont’s
  3. Weaknesses: e.g. snoring, eating habit e.t.c
  4. Formal education: to what level?
  5. Verbal skills: how does he/she talks
  6. Expected roles of both individuals in the marriage: His roles as husband and father and her roles as wife mother of your children
  7. Love and respect: to what extent does she respect or submit to you as her husband, and to what extent does he loves you as his wife.
  8. Number of children/Gap between children/Child rearing view
  9. Type of family planning
  10. Mental, social, psychological, spiritual, philosophy of life.
  11. Ways of dealing with issues
  12. Talk about smoking, drinking, alcohol and coming home late/Night journey
  13. Involvement of in-laws and parental influence
  14. Sense of humour: are you a person that doesn’t laugh or joke, just study and pray every minute? talk about it now
  15. Punctuality
  16. Dependability: to what extent can you depend on him/her? some men will say,” she depends on me for everything, she doesn’t have goals or visions” talk about it now.
  17. Verbal intimacy: freedom of expressing feelings
  18. Home conflict and management
  19. Anger management: some spouse will say” whenever I’m in rage or angry, the only person that can calm me down is my mother or someone else” some will say ” leave me for some time and I will get over it” Talk about it.
  20. Fear and anxiety
  21. Friendship with the opposite sex: don’t handshake or hug any other man when I’m around etc talk about now
  22. Family friends: who and who do you want as family friends? what calibre of people?
  23. Personal friends
  24. Level of ambition
  25. personal goals and achievements
  26. corporate life goals and achievements
  27. Attitude towards weight: many ladies are slim before marriage but fat after marriage. if you are a type that likes a slim lady, look at her mother if she has, because, she’s likely to look like her mother later in life. For men, spot belly etc. Talk about it now.
  28. Religion belief and spiritual preference
  29. Church denomination: is it her church you will be attending after the wedding or his?
  30. church involvement
  31. hobbies and interests
  32. songs and music
  33. Values and goals
  34. Self-control: does he have a problem with women?
  35. Past life
  36. Amount of income to spend and save

READ ALSO: FOR THE LADIES: 10 Lovely Ways to Show Love to Your Man

courtship in communication


  1. Housewife or career woman
  2. Type of account to run.
  3. What percentage should be allocated to cloths, vacations, given away and to whom?
  4. Means and risk of investment
  5. Attitude about cleanliness
  6. Location: where to settle, geographical, commercial, spiritual, and social area to live
  7. Order of priority: house before car or vice- versa
  8. Size and style of house: bungalow, upstairs, flat, duplex, fenced or open house. Talk about it now!
  9. Ways of handling sickness: are you the type that if somebody vomits around you or see blood, you will run away
  10. Means of getting treatment: is it a private hospital, or teaching hospital, or tradomedical centre?
  11. Payment of school fees
  12. Children’s schooling: private and public
  13. Health standard: are you the type that uses the drug or faith? Talk about it
  14. Interpersonal and social skills: does your spouse have caucus, calibre, or levels? Does he/she have pride or look down on people?
  15. Stinginess
  16. House helpers: maid, Gardner, gateman, driver, dry cleaner, house cleaner etc
  17. Nature of food: only African food or continental or mixed
  18. Mode of sleeping: together or separately
  19. Mattress: water bed, mat, etc
  20. Sexual intimacy
  21. sexual intercourse during pregnancy
  22. types of furniture and interior decorations
  23. Pieces of jewelry
  24. types of cloth to be wearing
  25. Day or days of fasting in a week
  26. Amount and type of travel prefer: is it every vacation or yuletide period? is it by flight, land etc
  27. Time to be spent together: some couples live away from each other throughout their lives, as a result of job etc
  28. When to go to bed and when to wake up
  29. Time for family altar
  30. Test on genotype, HIV/AIDS, blood group etc
  31. Intelligent decision
  32. Nature of hairdo: plaiting, weaving, curling, wig etc
  33. Make-up: use of earring, lipstick, cosmetics pedicure etc
  34. Temperament

So many young people are making excuses for their shortcomings in courtship, that, they don’t know what to talk about. And, as a result of that, the only thing that is available to do is sex, which can also damage their marital pursuit.

READ ALSO: 5 Important Reasons Why Women Leave Men They Love

All mentioned above are not a day talk; neither a month nor a year talk. They are something you can talk and talk until your mind is clear.
So many marriages are having problems today because they fail to talk the right thing while in courtship. They substitute their talking period for sex and other related acts.

FEWER PROBLEMS YOU WILL HAVE IN MARRIAGE IF YOU HAVE QUALITY TALKING IN COURTSHIP. IT IS NOT TIME FOR MARRIAGE, It is not the time for marriage until you are satisfied with every talk. Until your eyes can see clearly the bottom of the water. Also, until you have guarantee of your second life ( marriage).

Finally, you can save yourself from a fruitless race in marriage now that you are not bonded with marital vows. You don’t have to join the queue of failing marriages. Marriage is sweet and marriage is bitter base on your own experience and content of your discussion while in courtship.

Talk about it now!
Have a great day ahead.



Aderanti Adebukola Adesewa is Lover of Christ, Accountant, Relationship Coach, Public Speaker, Baker and Fashion Designer. Follow Adesewa Facebook page for relationships talks on Hearted Initiative.

READ ALSO: FOR OUR MEN: 19 Ways to Fix Your Woman – When She Is Falling

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